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Why judging yourself is an absolute waste of time.

Updated: Feb 9

Some of our own emotional responses feel off limits to us if we have been taught that they are "bad." Think about the ways you view some of these heavy hitters- Anger, Jealousy, Contempt, Weakness, Incompetence, Fear, Shame and Guilt. When these so called "bad" emotions show up, you might find yourself acting as your own judge, jury and executioner. You're ready to do whatever it takes to fight your way out of those "bad" feelings and get them to stop. Invalidate! Punish! ...and if those first two fail, Deny and Ignore!

When you repeat this process over and over you create a pattern of avoidance that your subconscious will begin to use as an automatic response to whatever emotions you define as threatening. It is fairly common for me to see clients who are blocking their own intuition through self judgement. So, if you happen to be holding a gavel at the moment I'm going to ask that you put it down for a few minutes. Maybe grab a mug filled with something warm instead? Spend a few minutes of your time with me and then you can decide if you still need to pick that gavel back up at the end of this article.

If you've ever had a session with me you've likely heard me say- "Healing is rarely linear and often layered." This is so important because trauma responses, unconscious behaviors, old agreements, held emotions and limiting beliefs become integrated into the ways we give ourselves permission and keep ourselves safe. Imagine that you have an internal security system, complete with personal settings, triggers and safety boundaries. This system's settings are constantly being programmed by our internal dialogue, experiences, and the “truths” we tell ourselves about the things we fear, the things we define as dangerous and the things we wish to avoid. When we create judgements about our emotional responses being "good" or "bad" we are unconsciously telling our security system which emotions are allowed and which are seen as a potential threat.

Okay, great... We've identified the problem. Now what? When talking to clients about the emotions that they feel are off limits, I often use the analogy of a crying baby. The "bad emotion" is a crying baby. That baby is crying because it needs your attention and it won't stop crying until you figure out why it needs your attention.

But, if we can't get past:

judging the baby for crying,

being ashamed that the baby is crying,

feeling like our peace is threated because the baby is crying,

or worrying that the presence of a baby crying might mean we are somehow bad,

we will never be able to get curious about why the baby is crying and we definitely won't be able to figure out what it needs in order to feel soothed.

If your "bad" feelings just need your attention, judging ourselves for their presence will only ensure that we won't be able to understand them or meet their needs. Furthermore, we certainly won't be able to gather enough information to "reprogram" our personal security system or redefine the ways we feel safe. If we wish to create new practices, we must dismantle the subconscious programming that keeps us blocked. If judging our painful and shameful experiences won't give us the insight necessary to care for them, what other options do we have? (I'm so glad you asked!)

Curiosity and Neutral Observation.

When we stop condemning our emotions, we can begin the process of trying to understand them. Instead of thinking, "I shouldn't be feeling this way," we can ask "Why am I feeling this way?" When we think of healing in a layered way there is no need to pass judgement when an emotion (that was previously seen as "bad") makes its presence known. With practice, it will become easier to let old patterns and uncomfortable emotions come to the surface. And as you continue this practice you'll begin to automatically respond with curiosity and compassion rather than judgement. We can learn to not be threatened by the presence of "negative" emotions, but to instead take care of all of the parts of Self without judgement.

PSA- judging yourself and self evaluation aren't the same thing. The call to not judge yourself is not permission to bury your head in the sand without consequence. But, we can save that conversation for another time. :)

From where I'm sitting, I'd like to invite you to pardon yourself. What could offering radical curiosity to your emotional responses change for you? Do you still feel like you need to pick that gavel back up? Guess what? I'm not judging you either way :)

But, if having a psychic healer cheering you on feels like it would make this process sound a little more doable, click the button below and we can get started, together.

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