Some emotional responses feel off limits to us because we have been taught that they are "bad." When these emotions come up and you play the role of judge, jury and executioner you invalidate your own feelings really quickly. When you repeat this process over and over you create a pattern of avoidance. It's not uncommon for me to see clients who are blocking their own intuition through self judgement. So, if you happen to be holding a gavel at the moment, I'm going to ask that you put it down for a few minutes and grab a mug filled with something warm instead. You can decide if you still need to pick it up or not at the end of this article.
If you've ever had a session with me you've likely heard me say- "Healing is rarely linear and often layered." This is so important because trauma responses, unconscious behaviors, old agreements, held emotions and limiting beliefs become integrated into our sense of security. Our security system is programmed by our internal dialogue, experiences, and the “truths” we tell ourselves about the things we fear, the things we define as dangerous and the things we wish to avoid. I often use the analogy of a crying baby. The baby is crying because it need your attention and it won't stop crying until you figure out what it needs. But, it we can't get past judging the baby for crying we will never be able to figure out what it needs to move forward. Your disregulation is the crying baby, it just needs your attention. Judging ourselves for the presence of these things just ensures that we won't be able to understand them or "reprogram" the ways we feel safe.
If we wish to create new practices and heal we must also dismantle the subconscious programming that keeps us blocked.If Judging the our painful and shameful experiences won't give us the insight necessary to care for them, what other options do we have?
Neutral Observation. When we stop condemning out emotions we can begin the process of trying to understand them. Instead of thinking, "I shouldn't be feeling this way," we can ask "Why am I feeling this way?" When we think of healing in a layered way there is no need to pass judgement when an old habit resurfaces. It's easier to just see this old patter resurfacing so that you can care for it from a new angle. In doing so, we learn to not fear the presence "negative" emotions, but instead take care of the parts of Self that we find difficult without judgement.
PSA judging yourself and self evaluation aren't the same thing.
From where I'm sitting, I'd like to pardon myself and offer radical compassion rather than picking up that gavel again. Would having a psychic healer who is cheering you on make this process sound a little more doable? Click that button down there and we can get started, together.